What the Hell is 40 Fat & Frustrated?
We all have a timeline of existence in which to walk our life’s path. Many of us approaching mid-life start contemplating the current path we’re on. We begin a process of self-reflection and examination. We contemplate regrets, we examine our failures and shortcomings. We may crave the attention from younger versions of the opposite sex, or same-sex if you’re into that. You might find yourself angry or resentful that you haven’t achieved your goals. You may feel frustrated with your current job or occupation, marriage or your finances. Or you might just feel a sense of being lost and not knowing which direction to go.
Regardless of your current age or situation, If you feel any of these things then you’ve come to the right place.
All our paths may cross and wind, intercept or run parallel, but the path we walk is ours and ours alone. Some paths may have taken you to your destination, some paths have led us astray, some have brought happiness, and others grief. Regardless of what path you’re on right now, regardless of your age or sex, have faith because there are things you can do right now that can bring improvement.
This journey began out of my own frustrations with life, you could call it a midlife crisis, but it was so much more. It was as if I had gotten on a bus as a passenger and ten years later had woken up only to realize that it was me driving, and I was lost. Only along the way I had moved from California to Florida, had 3 kids, adopted a daughter, got married, and bought a house.
To compound my frustrations I also suffer from ADD. Which has put me on at least 10 different career paths, led to various certificates but no real degree, unless you consider an online associate’s degree in Information Technology a real degree? I’m not bullshitting you, I really have had at least 10 different occupations.
Here’s a quick list of some of the things I’ve done.
- Line Cook
- Navy Veteran and Hospital Corpsman
- Surgical Technician
- Personal Trainer
- Fire Fighter
- Police Officer
On top of all the various careers I’ve tried, I also pursued school for Culinary Arts and I once talked myself into a master’s degree program for Acupuncture and Chinese Medicine without having any college experience at the time. It was not a successful adventure, but I had fun along the way. Through all my career pursuits I gained first-hand experience in counseling, therapy, meditation, crisis management, diet, and nutrition, and much more. Despite all these various career paths and learning opportunities, I was still miserable and frustrated.
I’d left being a police officer to return to work as a cardiovascular surgical tech because it allowed more flexibility with my hours and offered better pay. But I still craved that one career pursuit that I could give all my creativity and ambition too. Yet I had no idea what the hell I wanted to do with my life. The problem now was that I was rapidly approaching 40, had a mortgage, kids to take care of and many more responsibilities.
On the exterior, it looked like I had it all figured out. The family and the house, a steady job. But on the inside, I was suffering from bouts of anxiety and depression. I wasn’t happy, I worked in a toxic work environment, my marriage was on the rocks, my kids were growing up so quickly that I was afraid I would miss out on being there for them. Here I was with a lifetime of experience in multiple different arenas and I couldn’t use any of it.
For years I went on like this, not being present, and allowing the anxiety to manifest. It got to the point that to silence the anxiety I would drink every evening to “unwind”. It started with just a few beers then turned into a six-pack or a bottle of wine, that went on almost everyday for almost two years. I would try and exercise and eat healthily, but I’d quickly fall off the wagon. If I had a bad day at work or home life got me stressed out I’d make an excuse to pick up a 6 pack. As a result, I was quickly getting heavier and quickly out of shape.
Was this the life that I was intended to live?
Was this how it is, I thought? What the fuck was I going to do with my life? And so these questions plagued my mind, on the outside I came off as happy but on the inside, I was depressed and miserable, I was fucking dying inside. It got so bad that in my darkest moments I contemplated my own death. I sat there and made myself think of how my death would affect my kids and my family. And I realized that I was not done with this life, that my purpose had not yet been defined.
Why 40 Fat & Frustrated?
Life without meaning is absent of purpose.
I discovered along the way that who you want to become is just a process of transforming who you are now into who you want to be and what you want to achieve.
You’ve got no reason to trust me yet, which I hope to change. I’ve been where you’re at. I’ve lived check to check well into my 40’s. I’ve been overweight and I know the real struggles of why you can’t lose weight. I’ve battled anxiety and depression. I know what you’re going through, I know what it’s like to be debilitated by frustration. The frustration of not knowing what to do in life, the frustration of not being in the right career, the frustration of working and living in a toxic environment, the frustration of being broke and having to choose whether or not to buy food or pay the mortgage.
And the minute I became aware of all my frustrations, the minute I realized that everything, my past, my present, my finances, my weight, my relationships, my current situation, everything in my life. Was completely, 100%, and without a doubt, completely My Fault.
And so as I started pulling myself together and started educating myself and learning different tools and techniques. I pulled upon all the knowledge I had acquired across all the careers and experiences I had. As I worked at becoming a better version of myself, everything else started to get better. My anxiety and depression became manageable, my frustrations started to subside. Instead of choosing a path I took a machete and started hacking my own path.
I’ve wanted to do this my whole life.
The reason I couldn’t find my ideal career is because it doesn’t exist. And so I carved it out of 40 some years of experience, blood, sweat, and tears to bring you 40 Fat and Frustrated. My purpose is to help you find meaning and success.
40 Fat and Frustrated is about taking stock of your life and accepting responsibility for everything in it. It’s about being accountable for the shit show that it’s become and establishing a plan to pull you out.
This is still a work in progress and I am still learning and applying the knowledge I’ve acquired like some sort of lab animal. My goal is to transfer this knowledge to you. To help you on your journey of becoming more successful in whatever your pursuit may be.
My Goal with 40 Fat and Frustrated.
Is to create a community of like-minded individuals. Somewhere we can all come together and share our stories of growth and discovery. A place free of judgment and finger-pointing. A community coming together to help hold each other accountable.